Tonight Show Comic Disses Vegans

Just as the vegan community had good press on the Today Show yesterday (see yesterday's blog post Vegan Firefighters On Today), we had bad press on the Tonight Show last week.

Comedian Tom Papa did a standup routine on the show.  Overall I found it rather humorous, but his wife should train him a bit better.  If she really is vegetarian as he mentions, she should have him praising the diet in public.

Below follows a brief transcript of his routine.  (I love the part about the billionaires.)

Here we are at the beginning of the next Great Depression.  Wow, I'm looking forward to it .  I'm so tired of all the old people, "we're the greatest generation, we survived the great de na na."

We can do it too, come on.  How easy is it to be poor.  It's fun, you don't have to get up early for work, you don't have to get up ever.  It's awesome.

How about these billionaires.  These billionaires are killing themselves. They're losing their money and they're killing themselves.  How insulting is this?  They'd rather die than live like us.  "You want me to eat at Applebee's - I don't think so."

I think it's good for us.  Simplify things.  We're gonna be fine.  We're America, we'll be fine.  It'll be nice.  Get joy out of the little things for a while.

Soup.  I love soup.  A nice chowder, a nice bisque.  Get a big stale piece of bread.  Gum it for weeks at a time.

I eat like that all the time.  My wife's a vegetarian.
We go to vegan restaurants.  Ever try that, you ever go to a vegan restaurant? Yeah, that's a bummer of a night.  Talk about the Great Depression.  You want to celebrate life you go to a steak house.  People are filled with joy.  Beer and wine, people slashing each other with knives.  Blood dripping off your chin.  Everybody's laughing, pounding on the tables.  Ha Ha Ha Ha.

You go to a vegan restaurant nobody's laughing, they're so weak they don't even have the breath.   Aaah.  They can't even lift the fake buffalo wing made of tofu and bark nuggets up to their mouths.

And there you have it, the stereotype of the weak, helpless vegan.

Anyway, if you'd like to check it out yourself, you can find the Tonight Show episode here.  It's chapter 5 if you don't feel like watching the entire episode.  It's episode 3717 and aired Friday, February 21st.


  1. wow. look at that. i’m so surprised. and really sarcastic.
    let me just lace up my quads and put my helmet on. this vegan roller derby girl will show you just how weak vegans are. punk.

    i just shrug for the most part. people can be dumb (while trying to be funny).

  2. What a dork! Hahaha… lets make fun of vegans… as if that hasn’t already been played out a million times already by people far funnier. How lame that this guy is so lacking in material and originality that he needs to rehash the same unfunny jokes that have already been overused a million times.

    Obviously the guy’s never actually been in a vegan restaurant as if he had he’d know we vegans like to whoop it up as much as anyone else! And for that matter, vegan buffalo wings are delicious and this “comedian” is just an a-hole.

  3. I’m sure he thought it was hilarious. I can see how it was supposed to be funny -but there are just so many better and less tired ways to make fun of vegans. Self righteousness comes to mind, as does tendencies to start making soap boxes… 🙂 (i kid! i kid!)

    At any rate… vegan restaurants are actually much more joyous because you don’t have that one person (me) in a group of 10 poking at a pile of lettuce all night while everyone else gorges on cows, asking “are you **sure** you don’t want to ask him to prepare the mashed potatoes w/out butter? do you want me to ask for more bread?”

  4. Hi Nicole,
    Roller derby, wow I’m impressed (that is not sarcasm)!

    Hi SeitanSaid,
    Good point. Thanks.

    Hi FoodEater,
    Actually I did find his routine amusing watching the Leno video. But then again, Jane is always pointing out that I’m still using the same comic materials I did in the 4th grade, so tired humor apparently works for me. 😉

    Hi Becky,
    Kinda gross, eh?

    Hi asha,
    But they’d have to be vegan soapboxes… not soap made from animal products!

    Hi John,
    I keep hearing how wonderful that restaurant is. Maybe I’ll try to get reservations there next time I’m in NY.

  5. I have a fantastic t-shirt (that was a gift from an omnivore friend) which reads “Think all vegans are pasty and weak? This one can KICK YOUR ASS”.

    I might be disabled, I might be tiny of stature, but I can damn sure kick any carnivore’s ass. I just don’t need to 🙂

  6. This comedian’s shtick is not funny because it’s not true. Vegans have no engery?! Give me an f’n break! Has this guy every actually MET any vegans? Does he know that Mac Danzig ( is a champion Ultimate Fighter? No, obviously, has hasn’t and doesn’t. He’s just ignorant and shallow, and bases his jokes on a stupid stereotype that has no basis in reality. For some REAL comedy, check out Bill Maher ( who is smart, funny and vegan!

  7. Hi witchy,
    That t-shirt sounds great!

    Hi Mat,
    Actually his wife is a vegetarian and he states they go to vegan restaurans, so my guess is he knows the stereotype is not true and is simply making a joke of it. I found the routine humorous since it is patently untrue. But maybe his wife should vet his material before he uses it in public.
    Thanks for the link to the Maher comedy. I got a few laughs there.

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